For as long as I can remember, I had a dream of owning a golden retriever named jewels. After turning 21 my boyfriend of 2 months at the time (now hubby) jesse, decided to fulfill my dream and get me a golden retriever puppy!
Meeting this beautiful sweet puppy was a dream! I fell in love with her right away and quickly gave her the name Jewels. At 7 weeks old we brought her home and into our lives.
She was the sweetest puppy! I was able to kennel train her and get her potty trained fairly quickly. There was a time as a new couple that Jesse and I had some rough times. Without getting into detail I will say that Jewels ended up being the glue to our relationship. She kept us together through the hard times.
She was with us when we made the decision to move out and get our own place for the first time. What a trooper she was living in a one bedroom apartment with us for 2.5 years. Always had to be on a leash to go potty outside too. She did get herself into trouble more than a few times. As a hyper puppy and in the chewing stage she found many of my shoes while we were at work! Ha. So back to kennel training she went.
What pure joy coming home everyday to this sweet girl! One day Jesse and I decided to purchase our first boat, so we could begin enjoying the lake life which we both loved! Well turned out jewels loved the lake life just as much as we did but maybe even more! Being on the boat was her happy place!
She could stay out ALL day with us! How she never got tired diving into the water for her tennis ball hundreds of times I will never know! Lol. She was the perfect fit for us. She loved staying up late watching shows with us and just being around us!
She was a trooper when Jesse and I decided to leave apartment life and head back to his parents house for about a year to save money to purchase a home. This was not an easy time but having my best friend and babygirl with me daily made it all better. She would keep me company laying by the pool, swimming in the pool, and just always being by my side.
Fast forward to our NEW home!!! We have found the perfect home in the country WITH property! How excited I was for Jesse and I and the family we would start, BUT also for our baby Jewels!! No more apartment life for her, no more sharing space with anyone else, but now Jewels has her OWN home and property to run free on!
We enjoyed MANY lake trips every summer with our girl! The lake was just as much her favorite thing as it was ours! She loved the boat, loved diving for her toys, and swimming! We literally could never get her out of the pool either! I can still picture her sweet face running up to me and dropping her tennis ball for me to throw once again! Just as soon as that ball hit the water she would dive straight in!
My Bina kept me company and made me feel safe for the 10 months Jesse was away in the military. It was just her and I day in and day and she got me through that hard time. I remember a few thunder storms that summer that really scared us both! But we made it through together! I never felt scared being home alone during the nights because she would lay beside me at bedtime.
Jewels stayed close to me during my pregnancy with Aria and would not leave my side while I labored at home. My poor girl was so worried about me and I think very nervous about what was happening. After being gone a week and coming home without Aria, Jewels definitely knew something was wrong. She was very careful around me and stayed close by as I dealt with night terrors and later on post partum depression.
When we were finally able to bring Aria home jewels embraced her right away! How curious she was of this new sweet baby! She stayed by her side and literally watched over her. What a great big sister she was!
Jewels was with me through one of the hardest times of my life. When post partum depression hit me hard she was there. She followed me around everywhere and always kept me company and made me feel better. I knew I was never alone. I had my sweet baby and companion always with me.
At almost 10 years old we found out some scary news. The reason Jewels had been limping on her back leg was because of a type of cancer. After awhile she stopped using her back leg all together. After much thought and many talks with the vet we decided her best plan of moving forward would be to amputate her leg.
This was devastating to me. How could I do that to her? How could I face her after? BUT after MANY talks we knew this was the right decision for her. This would give Jewels the best quality of the life she had left to live. She would be pain free, off pain management drugs, and cancer free.
It’s appointment day finally. I had quite a peace that morning. I remember taking photos of her and I, her and Aria, and her and Jesse. I wanted more pictures with her before she would lose her back leg. As we left the house a country song was playing “everything’s going to be alright” and I looked at Jesse and said “see everything’s going to be fine”! We agreed Jewels had lots of life to live and she would be so much happier now that this pain will soon be gone.
We got to the vet which Jewels doesn’t like😢. Aria kissed her head, Jesse kissed her, and I held her face, kissed her, and happily said “momma love you!! I’ll be right back!! It’s OKAY, come on back! Bye Bina I love you!” I told the vet and the nurse to take good care of her and to call me ASAP.
A few hours go by and I was getting a bit more anxious since my phone hadn’t rung yet. I finally decided to call around 2:45 to check on her. “Hi it’s Jewels Mommy just calling to see how she’s doing!” She responded “let me check and see”. When she got back on the phone she said “Jewels is still in surgery but they’re stitching her up now”. YAY I thought! She’s almost done and I can see her soon.
Since she wasn’t done by this time we went home to give Aria her nap. She was excited for jewels to come home too and wasn’t to happy that she had to nap before Jewels was home. I told her “Aria it’s nap time but when you wake up Jewels will be here!!!” So I went ahead and put her down for nap.
As soon as I came out from putting Aria down I saw I had a missed call and voicemail from the vet. The message said “the doctor needs to talk to you so give us a call back”. I looked at Jesse and told him to follow me into our bathroom. I thought that maybe the vet would decide she needed to stay awhile longer to be monitored.
We called back and when the vet got on the phone he shockingly said “I don’t have the best news. She stopped breathing about 5 to 10 minutes ago and her heart went into cardiac arrest. I’ve been performing CPR but have been unsuccessful.” I immediately started screaming, crying, and basically was hysterical.
I needed to get there NOW. My baby needed me and if she wasn’t going to make it I was always supposed to be with her when she crossed over. She didn’t like being at the vet and I wasn’t there to keep her calm as she went into her next life. How was this happening?? If we didn’t decide on doing this surgery Jewels would be laying on her bed right now. I began screaming “I made the wrong decision, get me to her NOW!”
I had Jesse’s dad come over since he lives down the street. I cried and moaned the whole long car ride there and prayed for a miracle. Maybe the CPR finally worked and she would be okay when we got there. I was so scared to walk inside. The back door was closed so I knew there was no miracle that took place for my baby.
After the door was opened for us we walked through and was shown where Jewels was. She was in the kennel that they usually have her in when she has to stay there awhile. Except this time she was laying there with a blanket over her. I ran to her and laid beside her and held her. I sobbed as my heart was breaking into a million pieces. All I kept saying was “I’m so sorry Bina, I’m SO sorry”.
One of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life was bring her home knowing she was gone. Jesse carried our baby and laid her in the grass in our backyard. I laid with her again and held her as tightly as I could while Jesse dug the ground up under our redwoods.
I haven’t felt heartbreak like this before. How devastated I was holding her and having no response from her. We said our goodbyes after what seemed like a long while. I just didn’t want to let her go.
I told her she was my dream, and that I loved her so very much. I told her thank you for many different reasons, and I told her i understood that she didn’t feel well enough to stay. Jesse and I then laid her to rest with all her stuffed animal babies that she cherished.
Now I had to pull myself together somehow and figure out a way to explain to Aria that jewels wouldn’t be coming back home. This was awful. We sat her down and Jesse told her that Jewels wasn’t coming home.
As I saw both their faces getting upset I quickly said to her “honey Jewels decided she didn’t feel well enough to come back home. She decided she needed to go to heaven to be with Jesus but she wants us to know she loves us all so much.” She asked if Jewels was at the farm in heaven, and I said YES SHE IS. I told her Jewels is happy there and has no more pain.
I know that I would have never been ready to say goodbye to her…never. But it broke my heart that she left me during my second pregnancy. I was looking forward to laboring at home with her by my side again, and most of all having her meet possibly our last little one after bringing him home.
Jesse and I had jewels with us for the 10 years we have been together. She has slept in our room with us every night since 2 months of us being together. For as long as Jesse and I have had our relationship Jewels has been there. I felt guilty for a long time that we would have to keep going with life without her. It’s been 2 years since she crossed the rainbow bridge. I can now think of her and all our wonderful memories without crying. Life still feels different and not the way it should be, however Jewels opened my heart to love on her relatives someday when the time is right.
I love you Jewels, “Bina”, “momma girl”, “jewelsy” with my whole heart. I still believe that you are waiting in heaven for me, I believe you are happy and pain free, and I believe you are running on the beautiful farm with all the other animals. See you again my baby.
In memory of Jewels
07/05/08 – 06/28/18
Golden Jewel 💎