Hey everyone! It’s been so long since Ive shared a blog with you all. Today I want to talk and share about a subject that I’ve been thinking a lot about for a few weeks now. I think it’s a subject that makes us all a little uncomfortable and stretches our comfort zones. Let’s talk about Self Reflection.
First off let’s break the meaning of self reflection down. Self reflection means “ mediation or serious thought about ones character, actions, and motives”. Wow right? That’s uncomfortable right? Or is it just me? How many of us truly do some self reflection over time? Why should we be doing this? Some of us may even be thinking “eh there’s nothing wrong with me! It’s everyone else that has the problem or the issue”! Sound familiar?
When this new year began I gave myself a theme. I wanted to keep 2020 vision throughout the year on goals I had set for myself. Little did I know that a few weeks into the year I would have some major revelations about myself. So much so that I had to dive deep into my heart and soul, and do that uncomfortable self reflection. Why is it so uncomfortable?
Self reflecting is uncomfortable because that’s when we face ourselves in the mirror. More times than not it isn’t pretty. Sometimes it’s hard to face our struggles, and even harder to make the necessary changes. I know this because it’s something I’ve had to do and work on for the last few weeks. I had a moment in time recently that was truly eye opening for me.
I’m going to share with you some struggles, and things I’ve learned about myself. I’m hopeful you can read my story with an open and loving heart as sharing personal struggles is far from easy. I believe I was gifted this blogging platform for a reason, and I want to sometimes encourage you, and be opened and honest about my life to maybe help someone else.
A few weeks ago I had a very real realization about myself like never before. I realized my relationship to food and alcohol wasn’t healthy. Being perfectly honest I’ve always struggled with my weight and appearance since I was in grade school. I’ve always had a love for food and my body was never on the small side like many of my friends. That came with serious body image issues, many different diets, binge eating, and allowing the scale to define me for as long as I can remember. This is something I’m still fighting today, but have acknowledged this as a struggle and am really working on it now.
I’ve realized that unlike most people, I use food for my emotions. If I’m happy, sad, depressed, overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious, food was my go to. It always made me feel better in the moment but as soon as I was done, it was back to hating myself and tearing myself apart. Im having to really dig deep and try to figure out why I do this. Could it be a hereditary thing? Will this ever go away? Maybe I just need to understand that this is my reality and it’s something I have to face, and work on daily. I’m learning and understanding what my “triggers” are when it comes to food and making the conscious decisions everyday to stay away from those.
I’ve cut many things out of my everyday life including alcohol. That brings me to my second eye opening experience. Like most of us I had my first drink earlier in life. 18 to be exact. I’m 32 now so you can do the math. That’s a long time of abusing alcohol. I come from a long line of alcoholics and finally realized that the way I drink most times isn’t what I would classify as normal. I most times would never have just one. If I was drinking I was going to be having a few to have “fun”. I’m also a stay at home mom and some days are excruciatingly long and stressful, so I would look forward to having a few drinks after I got my kids to bed to decompress. This also lead to a viscous cycle of eating foods I normally wouldn’t because I wasn’t clear headed.
All it took was ONE random day for me to realize that I have underlying issues that I need to fully find, acknowledge, and work on. Facing myself in the mirror wasn’t pretty. In fact it was a bit painful. I had a rough couple weeks mentally and emotionally. I felt alone, sad, depressed, and felt like a horrible mom. Those feelings did make me fight to do and be better. Discovering unhealthy things we need to face and work on is VERY hard and honestly scary. I get it! It’s not fun, it’s not pretty, and growing pains hurt. How can we grow or become better people if we don’t do this? Just remember theres no rainbow without a storm.
Its been 19 days since Ive had a sip of alcohol. It’s been 14 days of a natural and healthy way of eating lifestyle. I also started a workout program at home that I love. If your thinking “that’s not that much time” I would agree that 2 and 3 weeks isn’t a lot of time but I can say that I’m proud. 19 days ago I was in such a low and dark place. Today I feel strong, loved, blessed, and worthy of my beautiful family.
My mind hasn’t been this clear in a long time, I haven’t felt this kind of gratitude in a long time. I still struggle some days but I know that I want to continue growing as a person and be my best self. I want to be the best mom to my kids, as they deserve nothing but the best. I want to be the best wife I can because my husband deserves my best. Most importantly I deserve to be my best. I feel more present, more peaceful, and genuinely happy today than I have in a long time.
I hope if anything you were encouraged reading this today. I challenge you to take a step back and do some self reflection. We can ALWAYS find something to work on because none of us are perfect. Maybe it’s self talk, maybe it’s the way you talk to others, maybe it’s a bad attitude at work or towards family members. I don’t know, but whatever it is you are strong enough to face yourself and make a change. We can’t control others but we can control ourselves. I guarantee you will start feeling better and others will notice a change in you.
Hope this wasn’t too deep but this has been my reality for almost a month now! Just wanted to share in hopes of helping someone else out too. If you want feel free to leave a comment or message me through FB. I’m here for you💕Anyway who else is counting the days for our next set of Goldens!? Can’t wait! Have a wonderful week! 😘
Golden Jewel 💎
Golden Jewel 💎