A Year of Change

How are we going into the year 2020 already? I remember the world being prepared for disaster when we were entering the year 2000. Here we are twenty years later. Wow. I’m always at a loss for words when I stop and realize how fast the time goes by. 2019 came with some difficult life changes for me. Some changes were heartbreaking and some changes were absolutely amazing. The heartbreaking change was entering 2019 without my best friend Jewels. My husband Jesse and I have been together for 11 years and married for 10. When we brought Jewels home she was 8 weeks old and we had only been dating for two months.

The 11 year life that Jesse and I created together began with Jewels. She shared our bed and room with us every night, she honestly kept us together through some fights and hard times, she moved locations three different times with us, she was with me through my pregnancy with my daughter, she was by my side through a painful postpartum depression journey, she was with me through deployments, she was with me through my second pregnancy…well half of it, and she was just always there for ME. Jewels was my “person” if that makes sense. She was my best friend and she held me together like glue. As long as I had Jewels by my side, everything was right in my world.

June 28, 2018 I took my best friend to get a surgery that was supposed to not just help her but give her a better quality of life. It was a surgery to amputate her back right leg. This was a decision I struggled with and shed many tears over for weeks. How could I face her after removing one of her limbs? After understanding that the surgery was going to remove the cancer and remove the weight of her leg as she no longer used it and struggled to carry it, I knew this was the best decision and she would have the best quality of life. We had the surgery all planned out. We had savings but we were planning to sell our third vehicle to pay for this surgery. I just knew she would have many more years…well at least a couple and she would be without pain and cancer free. At this time I was 28 weeks pregnant with my son and dreaming of how much Jewels would love him, and I imagined her being a support for me during his labor, as I would be trying for a VBAC.

To this day I have never had a more traumatizing and heartbreaking phone call in my life. Our vet of ten years called and said “I don’t have the best news, Jewels heart stopped beating after surgery, I’ve been performing CPR but have been unsuccessful.” Honestly Writing this is hard. Going back to that day breaks my heart all over again. Sometimes I wonder when I will ever be able to move past this loss. As you can imagine I was hysterical. I know many of you know exactly what this loss feels like and understand that I have to stop here. It’s still too hard. The tears still pour out even when I’m not expecting it.

Going into 2019 brought many emotions for me. I was beginning my first year without my girl and best friend but also beginning this year with my beautiful three month old son. As I’m thinking about this I’m realizing Jewels was much sicker than we ever knew. Even when I look at old photos I can see that she was finished. I think she would have stayed with me and my family longer if she didn’t have the opportunity to cross the rainbow bridge after her surgery. I now understand that she had to go and this was her opportunity. She was able to go peacefully and without pain. Im believing she also knew I would be somewhat okay as I was close to welcoming Lucas into this world.

My son’s name means “light bringing” and literally as I type this I know this wasn’t by mistake but was completely meant to be. You see my entire pregnancy I couldn’t decide on a name for my little man. I had a few names picked out but nothing set in stone. I thought I would know after his 3D ultrasound but I didn’t. It wasn’t until after he was born that Jesse said “babe, he looks like a Lucas”. So at that moment we gave him the name Lucas Brian and I feel such a peace from Jewels. After such a dark tragedy my beautiful light bringing son was born. A little gift from Jewels to bring me light, love, and happiness.

My only wish is that Jewels could have met our last addition to her family. That always breaks my heart. They missed each other by three months. THREE MONTHS! My beautiful son has brought me such joy this year. I’m forever thankful and blessed to be the mother of two amazing souls that I can call mine. I did some soul searching this year and I really took a look at my heart. As a busy momma I needed to figure out how to take care of me and how I could find purpose for ME, Alicia. Not as a mom but for Alicia. Jewels changed my life forever and she somehow guided my steps to finding all of you and GWB.

GWB has been the biggest blessing in my life this year. What an incredible organization and rescue we are. We all are completely in love with goldens and we are apart of helping SAVE THEIR LIFE! Wow, I no longer have to question what I’m meant to do in my life, or at least in this season of my life. You all are stuck with me. Being a foster to Fate (now Honey) and Ruby brought me SUCH joy and some healing. Fostering has definitely come with its challenges but the rewards have most definitely outweighed the challenges. Sheila, thank you for your phone call back, thank you for trusting me, thank you for allowing me to bring in your rescued Goldens! My eyes are filled with such happy tears writing this. You and your rescue SAVED ME, and those of you I was blessed to meet while in Vegas at the adoption event THANK YOU! You were all so kind to me and you all are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met in my life.

2019 started off rocky but it has ended absolutely beautifully. Im forever grateful to now have all of you as my extended family. Others who “get me” and understand my heart for Golden Retrievers. I absolutely love you all from the bottom of my heart. As we enter this new year of 2020 let’s all keep the theme of 20/20 vision. Whatever your personal goals are,
wether it be work, relationships, physical, emotional, or spiritual goals, I want to encourage us all to NOT lose sight of our goals. We are important enough to fight for whatever we want and to NOT GIVE UP. We aren’t just entering a new year but entering a new decade. Let’s start this year and this decade off right. Let’s not lose sight of our dreams and goals but rather keep 20/20 vision because we are worth it. Happy ending of 2019 and happy 2020 in two days! Hope you all have a wonderful celebration with family and friends!

All my love to you all! Thank you for your love and support,
Sincerely,
Golden Jewel 💎

One Comment on “A Year of Change”

  1. Oh Alicia, I am so sorry for the pain you experience in losing Jewels. I know they say time will heal but we all know that loss is never filled by another but it can inspire us to do more for other Golden’s in their name. That’s what you’re doing now. God Bless you and your beautiful family this year. GWB is very fortunate to have you.

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